Ashes to Ashes...

Good bye and thank you.  RIP

Lazy...

So it's been over 9 months since my last post!  Apologizing for my laziness has become a regular post here, so I won't do that.  I will just confirm my laziness instead.

If you follow me on social media you will know what has been going on in our lives.  Whom I kidding, there are 7 of you followers out there!  But 2015 wasn't bad.  The world was a bit of a mess though, so it ended with mixed feelings.

2016 has started well.  Only 9 days in, but I am staying optimistic.  That's one of two resolutions I have this year.  Staying optimistic.  Mostly though I want to remember to be thankful for what I have.  Today I stood for 40 minutes in the minus 8 degree weather, while M and M skated and my toes felt like they would drop off.  It hurt and that was only 40 minutes.  Some people sit out on the cold ground all the time.  So I am thankful for our warm home, my health, the love I get from my husband and daughter, the friendships I have in all parts of the world and the great job I have with lovely colleagues.  

So let's see how it goes....

Swedish men...

There are lots of interesting things about Swedish men.  They are metro-sexual for one.  Super stylish, borderline vain and have very few manners.  Now this isn't their own fault, its mainly in my opinion with all the equality, that Sweden is so famous for.  Women equality is way ahead compared to other countries and although that is a good thing, it has got in the way of what roles each gender takes on.  Some women are offended when a man opens a door because they can do it themselves.  Well of course they can and the man knows that too, but isn't it pleasant with a little common courtesy?  There's a lot of obsession with gender in Sweden and truthfully it drives me nuts.

But one of the good things that has come out of all of this is that men are expected to, encouraged and enjoy being dads.  Parental leave is big - a whopping 480 days between both parents, 60 of which the man must take.  This is brilliant in so many ways and the proof is in the pudding in my own life.  Tilly has an amazing connection with her dad and he has had to experience all the shit mothers deal with while looking after small children.  And it ain't easy to juggle the household, cooking, entertaining and stimulating a small person on your own.

So minus the lack of manners, I am truly grateful for the bond our daughter has with both of us - equally.

Here is a Swedish photographer Johan Bävman who has documented this bond so well in these surprising and typically Swedish photos.

Enjoy.

Things I long for...

Today is one of those days you just want to have your mommy tuck you in bed and shower you with kisses.  Even if you are over 40!  So I made sure I did that to my girl the moment I picked her up at dagis.
I thought posting pictures of the things or times I long for could help me feel less blaah.
In no specific order:

Dancing!

Sydney!

A time gone by.

Honeymoon in Venice.

All these people and on this day.

The Mother City.

My greatest influence.

This miracle.

Soulmates.

What this means.

Sleep well xx

Exploding head...

This is how I felt today.  Anyone else get migraines?  I'm used to them but it doesn't change how painful they are.
It's something else being a 40 year old woman with a quivering lip on the full subway.  Sitting there in the fluorescent light with with strangers talking loudly, hoping you won't either cry out loud or barf on anyone for 30 minutes! I literally ran off the train and into my house.  Ripped off my clothes and jumped under the covers so I could just make it go away.

Now about 8 hours later I feel relatively normal thanks to a kind child and husband who have let me take it easy.

Now to wait for the next one.
Good night.

Happy New Year…

Happy 2015 from the snail blogger.  Although it's a bit much to really call this a blog, since I only post every quarter!  But nonetheless it's the start to another year and I have a feeling that this one is gonna be big.  Odd numbers work best for me, so here's hoping the pattern is right.  Let you know.
Here's what we have been up to the last 3 months…

Holy crap...

Cannot believe the last time I posted something was in June!  Good thing I'm not like a real blogger or I'd be broke and unpopular.  I guess it's a sign that I am either having too much fun, totally stressed out or am just bored with this whole malarky.  Mmmm, might be a combo.
I suppose life just gets in the way and as the great Ferris once said ' if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it'.
So this is what life has been giving us the last while….

Let it go...

So I said I fell in love again in Paris and this time it wasn't with a man but with a dad.  Not an old geezer but my daughters dad, otherwise known as husby.  And with the daughter too.  We went to Disneyland people!  So as you can imagine the magic dust and fireworks were completely to blame.

A delicious pear…

It's been a bit since I last posted and things have been good but busy.  Busy with the daily grind and not so much else, but sometimes when you look through pictures you've taken in that time, you see that lots has happened but you were too blinded to see it at the time.

She speaks English...

I got the best Easter gift this year, and it wasn't chocolate.  My daughter speaks English.  Well of course she does, you might say, since I'm English!  But that hasn't been the case since she learned to talk.
There was a few months around 2 where she said 'car', 'happy' and 'book' and words like that.  But since she started dagis and heard Swedish all around her, she really never spoke it.  I wasn't taking it so well and was becoming really frustrated and sometimes sad.  I understand Swedish but its not my first language and somehow I almost didn't feel that she came from me because of it.  Things translate differently and I wasn't having those 'oh that's so cute' moments when she said things, because they don't sound cute in Swedish in the same way.  And the biggest problem for me was that my parents and relatives and her little Irish friends couldn't understand her.  For Tilly everyone understands Swedish so she couldn't figure out why she needed to speak anything else - duh!

I will give credit to my parents for being patient enough and stubborn enough to keep telling her they didn't understand.  Which in all fairness they didn't.  And what do you know she suddenly just spoke pretty good English.  It was the same when she learnt to walk.  Nothing, not even an attempt until 19 months and then boom she just got up and walked.  The same with drawing or writing.  Nothing until 4 years and then she just wrote her name and drew a little person.  So I guess she is one of those people who absorbs things, accesses and then only when she is really certain she won't fail, she just does them.  Good or bad, I'm not sure.  But I don't know how to express my happiness when she says 'Mummy' instead of Mamma, or 'Look at my outfit' or as she did today 'I want to krama you' (krama is hug in Swedish) so there is a little Swenglish going on.  But I'll take anything.

So thank you parents for helping out and for giving me a skip in my step everyday, and oh the fact that its 22 degrees out helps too.

Best Husby Ever...

Just when I thought that husby had outdone himself at Christmas with the perfect gifts, he went even better with the best birthday surprise ever!  Now it's nothing to do with material objects, but more the effort and thought of every moment that he spent time on, which really impressed me.

Although my birthday is only the 9th March, a few months ago he told me to take the last day of February off work because we were doing something for my birthday.  
On Friday morning, after Tilly went to her grandparents we jetted off to Dublin for a trip I knew nothing about.  We arrived at the Trinity Capital Hotel in the city centre, where we got an upgrade to the Georgian Suite from a chatty lady named Jan at reception.  The perfect welcome, full of banter and lots of little 'ya hear's' and 'it'll be grands'.

We went for a stroll and then for some classic fish and chips at an old friends new restaurant.   A trip to the hairdressers and an afternoon pint at the one and only Stags Head pub ended a beautiful spring day perfectly - well so I thought.

I was then instructed to dress well and off we went to a more posh part of town.  Dinner was to be had at the classy L' Ecrivian, where we enjoyed the tasting menu.  The best part of the dinner was the sommelier, who was a fantastic charming tiny lady, who topped our glasses a little more than ought to be OK when having 7 tasting wines.  So after A LOT of food and even more wine, we demanded the bill and a cab so we could get the hell out of there and unbutton and just have some privacy (and I don't mean for anything romantic)!

After a lie in and a plate full of sausages for breakfast, we enjoyed another spring day in the city.  Until I was taken again for more food to meet my next surprise - my family. We had an emotional and fun lunch at Marco Pierre White where the restaurant sang to me and the waiter was certain my step dad was the lord himself!  It was so lovely to just chat and hang out.  Super special.

After that I was sure that nothing more could be happening.  But I was wrong.  Some more afternoon pints and then instructed to get dressed and head out to Kehoes.  We met friends C & P who I haven't seen in years for some bubbly, before heading off to another venue.  

This time to friends who have opened a new pub 57 Headline Bar.  This is where the big surprise was to take place.  All the effort that had gone into all the months of organising.  When I walked through the door there were balloons and loads of people gathered round.  But no-one I knew???  Were we in the right place?………………. No we were just punctual!!!  

Being away from Dublin for so long and married to a Swede, we totally overlooked the fact that 8:30 means 9:00 in Ireland.  So I was more of a surprise to the ones throwing the party, as I was there before them.  Fecking hilarious and just perfect to feel all Irishy again.

What a great night seeing everyone I love and chatting and catching up on all sorts of shite.  Loads of wine, loads of laughs and loads of wine again.  Oh and I think I demonstrated how to light sambuca in your mouth.  WTF you're  40 dammit!  Anyway the picture kinda tells a story of how much fun we had because it's the only one!

Thank you to everyone who organised things and keeping it all a big secret.  Now I know who tell secrets too!!  And thank you to those who came and to those who couldn't make it but sent their love.  Thank you for the gifts and the chats and the big hugs and kisses.  It will keep me filled until the next time we meet.  

A massive, huge, gigantic thank you to the best husby ever!  You really do know me and I am so lucky to have you in my life.  

Now lets grow old together!

Gender bender...

Time for my yearly rant about gender and the obsession Swedes seem to have with it.  Particularly woman.  Now, I am all for woman being treated equally and so on but I have come to the conclusion that I am not a feminist and am getting more and more annoyed by the whole thing.
A picture goes up on Instagram or a blog with a girl wearing a princess dress or girls playing with barbies, and its like someone let out all the freaks.  The comments come every minute about how terrible it is for girls to be put into boxes and stereotyped blah blah blah.  Maybe we should be focusing on less playing with guns and violent video games than fucking up our gender roles.

I never think of my gender as something that allows me to do or not do things I want.  And I certainly won't teach my daughter that she should be 'fighting' for woman's rights in this higher-than first world country where everything is handed to us on a silver platter.  She can fight for human rights regardless of gender when she feels its unjust. She can play with barbies, trucks or bugs.  She can wear pink, black or yellow, as long as she is well mannered and kind to her fellow person.  She can be whatever she wants to be without hating men, or looking for a reason to call one sexist.

But I won't allow her to feel embarrassed of being feminine and liking feminine things or wanting to do things 'women' like to do.
As long as she wants to, that's equality.

Now I am off to the kitchen to make my man his dinner, and pour his drink.  I will be wearing a floral dress with an apron while doing so.   Later he will wash the dishes and pour one for me, while I put our daughter to bed in her pink pyjamas.

Welcome back old me...

We are 10 days into 2014 and it's looking like a good year, so far.  Early days I know, but I'm gonna stay on this buzz for as long as it lasts.  2013 wasn't a terrible year but it won't be missed.  I felt a lot of stress last year.  At home, at work, within myself and with others.  It was my 7 year itch year.  I've lived in Sweden for 7 years and had 4 jobs, 3 homes, 1 husband, 1 child and a million emotions.  But now I think I am ready to accept and enjoy what I have in my life and let loose that control freak who's been taking over my carefree old self.
So welcome back old girl (and that's literal since I'll be fecking 40 this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

So thank you 2013 for getting me this far and for my man who sticks by my side…x

A rush and a push...

I cannot believe its only 9 days until Christmas 2013!  Where has the time gone?!
I see my last post was on the 20th October, and for those of you actually checking in here, I apologise for the silence.  It's been one hell of a autumn.  I don't know how working mums with more than 1 child do it.  Again I salute you!
So what has been happening…
Well there has been work.  Oh how I love you but you certainly have made me sweat the last while.  Thanks be to Jesus, it's coming to an end on Friday and time for a little festive break.

Then there has been husby who has had shingles, and a bad case of it.  Since Tilly hasn't had chickenpox we were waiting with baited breath for her to get it.  But luckily she missed it.  Although I suppose there is never a convenient time to get them.  So poor husby was not at his best, and me being the unsympathetic type with illness, probably wasn't a model wife.  And little lady missed hanging out with her pappa :(

Then there was and is, the joy of the birth of my very first orchid.  This took loads of my time.  I stared at it lovingly at every chance.  Because, I cannot believe that it exists and at this very moment has 13 flowers on it - yes you read right THIRTEEN!  This is my biggest flora achievement, so I am super proud.

Last weekend was my fantastic mommy's 60th birthday, so I flew over for a quick surprise visit.  And boy was she.  It was great craic.  We had a brilliant time out for dinner and hanging out like a family.  It was a shame for her not to see her little lady, but on the plus side, I got some total R&R, which I needed.

After a touch-and-go week with stomach flu and fever, Tilly's birthday approached quick and fast.  Thankfully all went well, and on the 14th December, we celebrated the best 4 years of our lives!  She was super excited all week.  This year she had her first real party, where she chose who to invite and what she wanted to do etc.  Her big request was that no parents be there on the day, but that didn't go so well, since all the kids wanted their moms to stay.  Half way through she asked me to tell them to go….!  So another ice-cream was given to distract her, and she forgot about it!

There was cake, popcorn and ice-cream - at her request.  A disco, a treasure hunt and lots of gift opening.   This time of year is very 'full' for her, because there is so much gift giving, that it's easy for her to lose sight of all of them.  But she has done well.  Her favourite is a cupcake game she got from Granny and Pops, which she has us playing constantly.  Thank you to all her friends (and the mamas) for the gifts!  She is already counting down until her 5th!!!

Yesterday we added just a touch more festive feeling into our home and decorated our Christmas tree.  This was also the first year we all really got into it, since we are in our new big house!  Tilly chose the tree, decorated most of it, with my direction (but of course) and then placed little boxes with her small toys under for her friends.  Husby must have said 'what a great tree' easily 30 times! A celebratory cocktail was drunk to make a sweet end to a full weekend.
I heart Christmas!

5 years down, a lifetime to go...

So me and husby have been married 5 years already!  Time flies when you having fun.  Although on the other hand it feels like eternity since that day!  To celebrate we sent the kid packing and had a night on the town.  Well more like a night in one restaurant, eating ourselves into a coma.
Restaurant Jonas is where we headed this year.  A man striving for a star.  And to be honest he deserves one.  It was excellent.  Well the food was definitely!  The decor was good but not my style - a little too Scandinavian for me.  And the service could have been a bit more personal.  We had the tasting menu of 6 courses with pairing wines.  In Sweden the wine costs exactly the same as the food, which is just plain BS.  Especially since you get the teeniest amount in the glass.  Now this is not a new experience as you know, since I have blabbed about it before. But this was taking the piss.  I'm talking a the same amount as when you taste wine before they pour.  120kr a glass too!  Nevertheless it was an amazing dinner, and although it was meant to be 6 courses, we got an loads of extra small little in-betweeners which made the night.

Shot of green pea gel in bacon water.
Caper in meringue with cured ham.
Cauliflower cream, with artichoke and truffle.
Roasted bread with pine tree butter.
Beetroot done 4 ways.
King crap in carrot cream.
Turbot with leeks and oxtail sauce.
Wild mushrooms
Wild duck with berries.
Yogurt, honey and oats deconstructed.
Lemon sorbet and brioche.
Apple mouse, candied apples and apple sorbet.
Petit fours.
Espresso.

Always wonderful going out with my man and chatting and laughing like the old days!  So far its been a fabulous 5 years and I just look forward to more good times and more fab dinners with the man I love.

x

My favourite movies...part 1

Lately we have been watching a lot of movies at home.  Some of them good, some of them brilliant.  Husby and I love to go through all our favourites and here are some of mine.
 (I noticed that many of mine aren't the most uplifting!)


Once were warriors - 1994.  I remember wanting to hit the TV and needed to call my mom directly after watching.  And this trailer is far from what the movie is really like.

Ladybird, ladybird - 1994.  The movie that made me cry more than any other.

The Ice storm - 1997.  Could watch this one over and over.  Where I fell in love with Elijah Woods.

Falling Down - 1993.  How I feel all the time.

Requiem for a dream - 2000.  Great acting and a makes you feel very uncomfortable.

The talented Mr. Ripley - 1999.  Fell in love with Naples and Jude Law.

Husbands and wives - 1992.  Best Woody Allen movie for me.

The breakfast club - 1985.  Just one of the best movies of the 80's.

Donny Darko - 2003.  Best soundtrack ever.

Into the wild - 2007.  Amazing story and brilliantly made.

Disco Pigs - 2001.  Most romantic movie - in a dark way.

The Hunt - 2012.  Another brilliant Danish movie.

Dead man's shoes - 2004.  Uncomfortable but brilliant.

Grosse point blank - 2007.  John Cusack!

The Lost boys - 1987.  The only vampire movie I'll ever watch.

Enduring love - 1997.  Creepy.

Breaking the waves - 1996.  So romantic.

Half Nelson - 2006.  Ryan Gosling.....

Election - 1999.  Can't go wrong with awkward Matthew Broderick.

Bridges over Madison county - 1995.  Another heart wrencher.

Back to life, back to reality...

It feels like a million years ago since we were in Crete.  Today was officially when things went back to normal after 8 weeks of summer fun.   Husby went back to school, Tilly started a new class at dagis for the 'big' kids and I was giving a training at work.  It was like summer never happened!

So I thought I'd add some pictures to relive the summer and try and hold onto them again, while we all 'gently' get back into normal life.

Now I can start to psych myself up for the winter!

Our new home...

Finally after many years of 'discussions' husby and I have bought our first home.  Granted it is not the small house with the garden, which I've dreamt about like forever, but it is our home where we will grow old and be together.  Because those house discussions were starting to get in the way, if you know what I mean.

So a month ago we moved into our 110m2 apartment in our beloved Blackeberg.  (not the best pic)

We love it here and since Mikael went to high school here, and has lived here for 13 years, it felt right.  Tilly doesn't have to move dagis and we can still get the best burger in town at our local 'grill'.

On the plus side this apartment

A lesson to learn...

It's been awhile since I wrote anything, well because we've been on holiday, we've moved and we've been working.  So it's been mental.  Tonight was the first night I got to relax and look at some stuff on the interweb, and I found this quote from a woman photographed by Humans of New York.

“When I was younger, I thought listening was just about learning the contents of someone’s mind. I’d always try to finish their thoughts, just to show them that I knew what they were thinking. As I got older, I learned to listen better. I realized that by trying to anticipate their mind, I was ignoring their heart.”


What a great lesson.  I'm so guilty of this, and always thought that I was connecting with people but I guess I have some learning to do....

Age and wisdom!

3 is the magic number...

OMG the last few weeks have been mental!  Between the constant bank holidays for May and June, (which in Sweden also means a half day the day before the bank holiday), the overload at work before the summer, planning our move in less than a month, a vacation in Greece in between that, and the new developments and mood swings of our little lady, I think I might be closer to to loosing it than ever before.

At the start of 3 I thought it was amazing